Love,Forever

He was crazy about her and certainly behaved that way when they were together,and alone.But he wasn´t crazy about her three kids.It isn´t anything personal,he said,but I´m not the type,y´know?She was gazing hurt,eyes brimming with tears deep into his eyes.But said,softly,I know.Framing his face in her hands like an actress gazing into those blue eyes like saphires whispering another time,I know,and solemnly she´d kissed his lips and he´d remember it,that kiss:that kiss he could not guess was a pledge.Oh,I know!-but I love you anyway forever.
The entire day,the sun was hidden behind clouds,one of those gauzy days you feel like screaming but she was calm,she was in control.She´s been smiling all day.It wasn´t practise,it was her natural self:as,in high school,she´d smiled all the time.She was waiting for a phone call and when it came she had something planned to say she´d memorized,a strange man prowling the woods behind the trailer,she wasn´t worried really,but she´d mention it,then talk of something else.Not too much detail-that gave you away.From TV you learned that.
She called him,too:knowing he wouldn´t be home.Just to hear his voice on the answering tape-that was enough.
No message.
She had the gun ready.A guy had given her it for protection,when she´d moved out here alone with the kids.She knew where to toss it where nobody would find it.She put on old rubber gloves she´d be throwing away,too.She was wearing a warm sweatshirt.It was eleven p.m. and the kids were sleeping,a dark night with no moon and everything quiet back in the woods.She hadn´t even had the TV on.Tommy,who was so excitable,naturally had to be first.She went into his room,holding the pistol calmly,she whispered,Sweetie?as she´d planned to wake him so he´d be looking up,and when he opened his eyes she pulled the trigger.Jesus,what a noise!-Her ears ringing.
Tommy died at once,she believed.A bullet point-blank through his chest,thus no suffering.She´d planned that.

Next was Sherri,four years old.Pale blond hair and her mommy´s button nose.Sherri slept in Mommy´s bedroom where the baby was also,and the noise had been so loud Sherri was out of bed,screaming.Mommy?Mommy?-and she ran inside,trying to stay calm,swallowing,but her voice rising shrill,It´s okay,honey!Mommy´s here!And she fired at the little girl,it wasn´t exactly clear what happened but there was one bullet in the chest yet more screaming,and a second bullet in the chest and still more screaming,and now she was maybe losing it just a little,panting,stooping over the fallen writhing child to press the barrel against the top of the child´s head and to squeeze the trigger again.

And the baby.In his crib,in the corner of the room-that wasn´t going to be hard!He had wakened of course but hadn´t begun to cry yet.It was that kind of baby-a little slow.

At the hospital she ran inside screaming.A man,a man shot my kids!And they came out at once,no wasting time,and saw Tommy in the front seat,and pulled him out to try to save his life,My God there´s a baby-one of the orderlies yelled,like he couldn´t believe it,and she stood there whatching,this little smile on her face,bemused-how they were all running around,not smooth and coordinated the way you´d been expect,taking the kids inside to save their lives when,couldn´t they tell?-these kids were dead.

Actually,in fact,Tommy was not dead,but dying:he´d die,officially at four a.m. of the next day.

The baby was dead.

It had been a listless baby,conceived not in love but spite.
So much commotion in the emergency unit,everybody gaping,like lights had come on brighter like on TV,and maybe in fact they had,and she was standing there,watching,in her blood-soaked clothes,her new jeans tight,and her Led Zeppelin sweatshirt,and the spike-heeled glamour boots-she was blinking,smiling just faintly,as if all she was doing was watching,calm,and curious to see how it would go,as the medical crew would testify at her trial.Where she,should have been-what?Screaming,sobbing?-was that what another mother would do,in this situation?Or was she,you could argue this,in shock?

But,no,she was reported to have called out,Nothing but the best for these kids!And she´d sounded scolding,but sly.Her eyes making the rounds of the waiting room where everybody´s eyes were sure on her.

But then,my God,it came to her like a blow:little Sherri was still in the car!Nobody´d seen Sherri.She must have slipped off the backseat during the wild ride to town,and the goddamn careless medical crew hadn´t even noticed.So,she was excited now,she had to yell to get their attention,Hey,my little girl!-don´t forget her.

The look in their faces.Almost,you´d have to laugh.

It was weird,though,and she´d never understand it-forgetting Sherri like that.

Sherri was the one Mommy had always loved best.

(Oates,Joyce Carol, Love,Forever,from: More Stories We Tell. The Best Contemporary Short Stories by North American Women, edited by Wendy Martin,Pantheon Books,New York, 2004, pages 142-145)

-->Diese Story is echt krass,aber ich find die Idee dahinter einfach hammer-gut...Ich würd sowas ja nie tun-ich bekomm erst gar keine Kiddies!:D Aber da sieht man mal,was manche Menschen alles für geliebte Personen tun...
Also Kinder umbringen...-nee,aber naja...Ich sag nix dazu!;) Ich bin da doch n gaaaaaaaanz andrer Typ!:D